I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
