JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
