Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
