Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
