she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This baby is an asshole
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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