therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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