if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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