he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
