i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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