wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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