He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
