We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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