Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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