cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
