can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
