The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
