She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Success! We fucked roommates!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
