He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
