i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
