My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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