From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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