i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
