A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
