I want to make a zoo with you.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
