I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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