The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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