Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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