what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
