my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
