I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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