so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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