This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
