I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
