no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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