My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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