she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
