I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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