Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
