I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
