soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
