We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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