i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
