Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
