She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize