Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
