you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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