We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
