Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Girls should come with a carfax report
He passed out mid-signature
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
third nipple confirmed
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
