please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
