Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
one might say we're banned from that church
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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