An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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