this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
