Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
