The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
