My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
