Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
