Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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