If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hippo gnu deer
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
