Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She even gives head with a lisp.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
