I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
