check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
