I need help removing her.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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