i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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